And all I wanted was the simple things, A simple kind of life …

I hate the thought of censoring myself at all, but in all honesty, I engage in a lot of self censorship  all the time.

I will continue to monitor the work-hits, but I can’t continue to hold myself back like this.  I don’t like it.  While I will never disclose everything to the world on this blog, there is an element of self-expression that this little corner of the Internet affords me … and to me, that is invaluable.

So, what have I been up to?

• Didn’t do anything for Halloween.  Stayed in watching gorey movies borrowed from a friend.  Was awoken in the wee hours of this morning and wrote an email to a friend: “It’s 3:33 am … oh wait, I guess that’s actually 2:33 am with the time change.  It’s still very busy outside with drunken Halloween revelers.   People have been screaming and setting off fireworks all night.  Poor George is cowering underneath my bed and I don’t even have the energy to keep continuously reassuring him that it’s okay.  I can hear police whistles and what I believe to be police dogs barking.  THIS is the downside to living directly in downtown Vancouver.  It’s often like this on ’special occasions’ down here.  And this is just Halloween … it reaffirms my concerns that the Olympics are going to be insane and that I don’t want to be down here for that.
  So, balanced perspective, I guess.  While I do love living in downtown Vancouver, sometimes I do hate it, too.“
• I’ve been having a rather emotional last few days.  I’m expending a lot of energy trying to fight off the bad feelings – or to at least acknowledge them, accept them, and then move ahead.  I’ve had some really low- lows peppered with the occasional high-high.  I know that a lot of this has a lot to do with perspective and I’m doing my best to calm myself and see through the anxiety to the reality.  Reading about mindfulness and practicing the meditation.  I’ve been hiding this side of myself as of late … I guess I’ve been going through a phase of shame surrounding my depression.
• I might be making a visit over to Vancouver Island soon.  Victoria, to be exact.  I have been a resident of British Columbia for 15 months and have yet to make it to the capital.  Recently, a very good friend of mine from back East moved to Victoria.  I’ve also recently made the acquaintance of someone who lives in the same city.  So, the opportunity to see either of them would be very welcomed, in addition to getting to discover some more of my new province.  The only catch is that George can’t come, which requires me to ask others to dog-sit so I can go off gallivanting.  It is always very difficult for me to ask favours from others.  Even though I know that I would do the same and much more for those others, I still don’t feel comfortable asking anything of them.
• I think my internal clock is broken.  For some strange reason, it feels to me almost as if we sprung forward an hour rather than falling back one.  I guess that just means I’ll be in bed even earlier than usual … and sleeping in later.  I don’t think anything wrong can come from getting more sleep.  Then again, under-sleeping has never been an issue for me as I tend toward over-sleeping.

So, I guess that’s about it.  I’m fighting the compulsion to be the hare, when I need to focus on being the tortoise.  Patience.  A virtue which does not come naturally to me … but I’m practicing.  I guess that’s the only way make any progress in this particular race I’m running.

If this is all too ‘emo’ for any of you reading, you might just want to look away.  I imagine it’s going to get a lot more loopy before it gets less so.  That’s kinda just me.  You like me as I am, not how you’d like me to be.  At least, that’s what I like to think.

~ A Simple Kind of Life, No Doubt