Oh, to live on Sugar Mountain …

I was given the news today, nonchalantly by my mother, that my father was taken to the hospital this weekend to be told he has high blood pressure and Type 2 diabetes.  I’m not as nonchalant about the diagnosis – I see this as only a harbinger of trouble yet to come.  About a month ago, I had an uncomfortable feeling about my Father’s health:

“I didn’t realize how much this was bothering me until I started crying on the phone with my mother yesterday.  She was complaining about how lazy my Dad is around the house and I jumped to his defense.  I told her that for all we know he’s full of cancer and don’t know it.  My Dad is a stubborn man.  He refuses to see doctors, smokes and drinks [is overweight, not active, eats terribly] – AND – even if he were in any kind of pain or discomfort, he would never let on.  I guess she perceived my crying as anger and was quick to get off the phone … leaving me sobbing alone in my apartment on the other side of the country.  This news about my Aunt kinda got me thinking about the realities of coming from a family with a genetic predisposition to cancer and a father who lives a terribly un-healthy lifestyle.  So, yeah … I’m concerned.”

My first reaction was for tears to well in my eyes.  My second reaction was to call my mother and get more information.  My third reaction was anger – anger at how we have seen this sort of thing staring us down for YEARS and yet my father doesn’t seem to care.  I’m worried that words will simply go in one ear and out the other and that my father is too stubborn to take this seriously and my mother is too permissive to strictly enforce any rules.

I know, everyone says I’m over-reacting.  Maybe I’m just scared.

… As frustrating as I find my father, I do not want to see what life will be like without his stubborn, obstinate, and ridiculous pig-headedness before I have to.  These problems are far too prevalent … and preventable!  He needs to take this seriously … there’s no sense in suffering needlessly.  I don’t want to watch him do this to himself anymore … or get worse.  I want to call him up and tell him off for having been so irresponsible.

I’m over-reacting because I love him.

… And, I feel powerless because he hasn’t listend to me up until this point and I’m not so sure how strongly I can make my case from the other side of the country.   Though, even if I were to pick up the phone looking to pick a bone … I’ll probably just end up sobbing into the phone that I don’t want my Dad to die an early death the way his father did before him.

Sigh … I’m just looking for catharsis with this post.

… In all honesty, I accept that there’s nothing I can do at this point except try to have faith that my father will realize the right thing to do … and will follow through.  The only thing I have any control over are my own actions.  My father’s lifestyle choices are one pattern I will not be following.  I need to take care of me and stop trying to take care of everyone else, like I usually try (and fail) to do.  I will do everything I can to prevent heart disease, diabetes, and cancer in my body.  I have made a lot of changes to my own lifestyle over the past couple of years … this news is a reminder not to become complacent or take my health for granted.